We will always find people who want to take advantage of others. It is necessary to set boundaries and clarify what is allowed and what is not.
Suppose you feel disrespected and think that people always take advantage of you. In that case, it’s time to learn how to set boundaries and get more respect.
If you feel disrespected and think that people always take advantage of you, it’s time to learn to be more respected by people.
In this article, you will learn why it is difficult to impose boundaries and how to set them.
What boundaries mean?
The boundaries are a “private” space that cannot or must not be crossed. The limit is essential to preserve the psychological integrity of the person.
It means letting others know what we need and what we want, even if it doesn’t match their wishes. Is lack respect when somebody crosses the limits set by us.
So… And what is respect?
I choose the definition of the German philosopher Arthur Schopenhauer “Respect can be defined as the image of our value in people’s thinking.”
Before set boundaries for others, we must learn to respect ourselves. This means that you shouldn’t feel more or less than anyone else. Also, of course, accept yourself. Feeling worthy for who you are. You might be interested in accepting your self, don’t miss 👉 this article.
Why are boundaries healthy?
The boundaries we put in relationships with others also represent a form of care and respect for ourselves. When we establish functional limitations in the relationship (of whatever nature it is, friend, family, or sentimental), we feel safer and more gratified, less exploited.
Certain behaviour types make us feel insignificant, humiliate us, or make us angry, resentful, and lose self-love.
Also, essential to growing a healthy relationship, whether personal or professional. How many times have we said yes when we can’t or don’t want to. People who behave in this way accumulate feelings of anger and resentment towards others.
Can’t you set boundaries at home?
When you plan to make a change, in particular among family, it is not easy. They might not appreciate it. Some people go to great lengths to sabotage attempts to establish healthy relationship boundaries: they get angry, blame them, use the “strategy of silence”, ignoring the other and try to make the person feel inadequate or unwanted.
They can also resort to threats, and they can become violent. These strategies aim to punish or dissuade the person from establishing and defending spaces (physical and psychic).
Therefore, we cannot force the other to respect your boundaries. Still, we can and should manage how we respond to certain behaviours.
Why is so difficulty set boundaries?
The reason it is so complicated is rooted in a series of fears and insecurities, as well as misconceptions.
For example, low self-esteem can lead to feeling inferior to others by making insults, humiliations, and manipulations acceptable.
Another reason might be :
I) Fear of losing love, friendship or affection. You have probably experienced that unpleasant feeling of insecurity, “but what if he doesn’t like it and leaves me?
But the fear of losing someone who disrespects us can lead us to lose our love for ourselves.
II) False misconceptions. Some anxious parents control everything about their children, from food to school activities, to university studies, to their adult life. Excessive control inhibits the child’s development.
So how can a child learn to respect limits be respectful when the mother has always acted as a “personal driver” that she is always available?
We need to be aware of our thoughts. Do you think your children or your husband are unable to be independent? Do you think they always need you to do everything?
How to set boundaries without feeling guilty.
Found out what you need, what is important to you. This will make you feel more determined to keep your limits respected.
1- Communicate the boundaries clearly.
Talk to the person with your head held high, eye to eye, and state clearly that you are not willing to accept the lack of respect.
When someone asks you to do something that you don’t want to do, politely say NO. Don’t give too many explanations. Because the person may try to manoeuvre to find a way to convince you.
2- Learn how to manage conflict.
Conflict is an integral part of any relationship. The more important and intimate, the more conflicts appear.
When a conflict is handled in an unhealthy way, it can lead to resentment and irreparable breakdowns. However, when managed right, understanding and trust increase and bonds are strengthened.
We shouldn’t allow others to enter our living space. So let’s learn to manage the conflict.
- Control stress. Control stress: if you can control pressure and stay calm, you can accurately interpret your interlocutor’s verbal and non-verbal communication.
- Be aware of the differences and respect them. If you avoid disrespectful words and actions, you will solve the problem faster.
- Stay focused on the problem object. Respect the content and the limits of the conflict. Do not generalize.
- Maintain respectful communication. Listen to each other to know thoughts and opinions about the problem. No interruption.
3- Adopt appropriate behaviour.
There are many cases of paradoxical communication in our daily life that we are barely aware of. Obviously, non-verbal communication must be aligned with words to give a clear message to another person.
- When someone crosses the line and, don’t act ambiguously. Do not pretend everything is ok; do not send a contradictory message. Speak directly to the person politely but firm.
- Don’t giggle when someone makes a bad joke. Look at the guy and say that you will no longer tolerate this type of behaviour.
- Don’t want to please the person because you feel guilty, treat the other person with respect but don’t do more than necessary.
We must learn to seek our well-being, and this does not depend on others but ourselves.