What is Psychological Violence

June 18, 2020



Psychological violence, also known as emotional violence, it’s a despicable phenomenon. The victims of psychological violence can be children, women, and men, all without distinction. “Domestic violence can happen against anyone, and anybody can be an abuser”.

Psychological violence can affect humans of all age groups; it can be everywhere in school, office, home or any other place. Many children who are the victim of psychological violence can become to suffer from mental illness.

Although we live in modern society, speak about psychological violence is still considered a taboo. The phenomenon is present wherever it occurs at home, in the workplace and peer relationships.

Unfortunately, psychological abuse is less evident because it leaves no visible physical signs. Many times people who try to report are considered weak or even people who instigated this violence. In the end, the victim suffers a lot and may lead to depression and other physical loss.

Psychological Abuse Matter

Psychological abuse is actual that leaves no physical signs. But, the result is the profound psychological symptoms, even more, severe than physical ones. A physical sign a bruise will heal. On the other hand, psychological abuse instead not only remains but also will become worsens. And victim can’t forget it throughout their life.

As Aisha Mirza said: “It is not the bruises on the body that hurt. It is the wounds of the heart and the scars on the mind.”

Aisha Mirza.

Understand Psychological Violence

Psychological violence is a series of problems, to summarise is a severe lack of respect. It involves denigrating, a humiliation, insult, divorce, degradation, verbal violence, heavy silence and maltreatment in general. Regrettably, may happen to everyone to quarrel, insult someone just as it might happen to everyone to have a moment of anger to lose control, to be jealous and envy. Psychological violence is the escalation of these problems.

However, violence is when the behaviour occurs multiple times. The attacker always repeats his action. Also, he reiterates abusive behaviour that causes concern and discomfort; in the long run, it can lead to trauma in the victim. At first, the victim falls into the trap of psychological violence and sometimes suffers without knowing what he’s going through. The person who’s attacked is often unaware of the situation in which he lives.

The attacker manipulates people, isolates the victim to carry out the violence undisturbed under the same roof.

Who’s the Aggressor?

The executioner doesn’t respond to a stereotype of the villain, the maniac or the madman. Apparently, he’s an average person; most of the time is gentle and polite.

Although when the couple is in a stable relationship, everything change, he takes off his mask and turns into something else. The kind and polite person is transformed and adopts a different behaviour from those he had at the beginning of the relationship. Starts with the first swear words, and gradually the situation deteriorates, mistreatment is more frequent along with manipulative manoeuvres.

The victim cannot understand what is going on, and she wonders what’s going on.

Why the Victim Cannot Identify Harm

Usually, the victim lets go of the first offensive behaviour; she doesn’t think about it. But, sooner or later, the victim falls in a sort of spiral, where she experiences periods of mistreatment and moments of light.

Violence occurs in a relationship. The victim always has an emotional connection, admiration and respect for the attacker. The attacker exploits the weakness of the person who pretends to love, to perpetuate offensive behaviour. “Abusers pick and choose whom to abuse. They don’t insult, threaten, or assault everyone in their life who gives them grief. Usually, they save their abuse for the people closest to them, the ones they claim to love.” To learn more click here.

Why is Difficult to Get Out from Psychological Violence

It’s challenging for a victim to come out from the net of the attacker unless she feels the power of herself. A fundamental point that blocks us so much is to hold ourselves 100% responsible for the disaster of the relationship. However, this happens because the manipulator has always made sure to make us feel the cause of everything; we’re the culprits of everything.

Feeling so guilty We do everything to try to remedy or change the situation. As long as we remain anchored to this mental dynamic where we feel wrong. We’ll have such low self-esteem that we risk stepping on it when we walk.

Belives Another critical point is that we want to stay connected because we think we can easily change the other person. The manipulator will certainly not admit to having problems and will never change, and above all, you won’t do it. Furthermore, trying to make him understand things to induce him to change, get away from this belief is crucial because he won’t change.

The financial problem – Money is one of the obstacles that the victim encounters. When the victim doesn’t work and is financially dependent on the abuser, we know that this is a delicate problem, but you can seek help. You can go to a women’s support centre, find a social worker, inform the police. (Hit the links below).

Concern for children –  When a woman who suffers from violence and has children, it’s normal for her to think about the future of her children and the possible consequences of the decisions she must make.

Psychological Violence Childhood

Children are probably witnessing situations of aggression between their parents. A child living in assisted violence is a victim, this has severe consequences for the evolution process, not only when he’s directly present and sees the father/mother being abused, but also when he realises that a parent is abused.

It’s highly recommended therapeutic help to get out of this situation and rebuild your life. Nobody is forced to live with people, so you, the victim, are not a psychologist to try to treat your attacker or punching bag; you are not guilty of his abusive behaviour.

Get Out of Psychological Violence is Possible

Get out of the spiral of violence, isn’t easy, as the victims often live isolated. They lose self-esteem and don’t know where to turn. As long as the person lives in a violent situation, make choose could be tricky. It’s because of the fear for the repercussions and economic problems.

Another reason is that the victim thinks that one day, she will receive consent and approval, but on the contrary, the mistreatment increases. Recognition will never come, the higher the expectations to be recognised, the lower the chances of having them.

Through his distorted pattern, the abuser alternates periods of mistreatment and periods of peace; He manages to keep the victim under his control. What hold this situation is the belief that things will change; and there’s the possibility to live as well as in those lighter moments when he’s in a good mood.

Sadly, abusive behaviour is cyclical; sometimes, things might be quieter, but sooner or later, the aggressive behaviour comes back over the aggressor, once again, she may find herself under assault.

Psychological Violence Causes Physical Harm

what-is-psychological -violence

Let’s see what the consequences are. The organism is closely connected to the mind. When the soul suffers, when emotions are negative, the body often gets sick, illness is a signal. Usually, it’s a symptom of personal discomfort.

The damage connected to the trauma that an abused person experiences are of various types. The symptoms are headaches, heart disorder, vitiligo, skin disorders, bones, joint pain, and gastrointestinal pain.

They’re all potential symptoms of a drama; they’re also symptoms of a stressful situation. On the other hand, experiencing psychological trauma can lead to much more severe problems such as a nervous breakdown.

Physical violence is something that leaves a physical trace of the violence suffered. However, psychological abuse is much less visible, but much more painful because it leads the person to shut down, to exhaustion, to energy depletion.

Some Useful Contacts:

United Kingdom, UK:

Emergency phone: 999



Scotland’s domestic abuse and forced marriage helpline
0800 027 1234- sdafmh.org.uk
Scottish women’s aid, 0131 226 6606, www.scottishwomensaid.org.uk
Women’s aid federation (northern Ireland) 0800 917 1414, www.womensaidni.org


  • I Centri antiviolenza di d.i.re, seguindo este link, localizando números de telefone da sua cidade: https://www.direcontrolaviolenza.it/d-i-re-tutti-i-numeri-telefonici-dei-centri-antiviolenza/
  • A Associação oferece abrigo e assistência às vítimas: https://www.cadmi.org/

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